Dear Bridget Jones,
I have just found myself lipsyncing Celine Dions "All By Myself" whilst eating too much and being overemotional. We are quite similar, except that you were drinking wine and I am eating gummy snakes because I am underage and do not enjoy the taste nor the effects of alcohol. Though I realise this means that we are both very pathetic, we should probably be friends. We could listen to it together and not be all by ourselves.
It would be a much better plan.