To say I am riding an emotional roller coaster would be the understatement of the century.
I have never been one for letting go. I have never been a thrill seeker. I have never really been interested in the types of ups and downs that make your belly start dancing like it's on hot coals.
I am a creature of habit, hesitant to change and prone to routine. However, change is one of the only inevitable constant things in life, and I am learning that it is better embraced than run from. It will catch up, and by the time it does you will have wasted precious time and energy on your hopeless-from-the-moment-you-began endeavour.
I have always harboured bitterness towards moving on. The last 4 years have left me almost alone, as university, work and I suppose ultimately time has caused a form of desertion: growing up. Now the time has come for me to get my skates on: Goodbye familiar, Hello unknown.
I am sad. I am leaving behind a community of people who have loved and cared for me my entire life. I will no longer see my childhood friends everyday. The girl in kindergarten who told me she loved my rainbow shirt, the boy with the book-bag I slipped a love letter in during my first year of school, the best friend I used to swing on the big blue bin with. The people who have caught and carried my tears through the hardest years of my life line the hallways I've walked everyday for 13 years. I will miss the office receptionist who knows my name and my favourite primary school teacher who still makes time to talk when I pass her. I will miss the smiles of shy younger kids and I will miss the bear hugs of the not-so-shy. You never realise what a place has done to your heart until it is time to go.
I am confused. To put it in the simplest of terms, the only thing I am sure of is Jesus and his ability to get me through.
I am happy. The rest of my life is about to begin. The possibilities ahead are endless, what I may or may not do. Who I might meet, where I might go, what I might learn. It's a daunting thought, but it's exciting. I am eager to kiss goodbye daily monotony and the rules and regulations of high school. I won't miss the up and down glance from the supposed top of the food chain, I won't miss the hypocrisy and I certainly won't miss the things people think of you when you actually have a moral compass.
I am no good with this roller coaster. I face almost constant motion sickness, looking scared does not do anything for my face and I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to plunge deep into the unknown and trust that I'll survive it. However, there is one thing I am sure of: Jesus, and his ability to get me through.
My weary mind is filled with so much clutter and peculiar inspiration that any attempt to articulate it is poor and un-romantic. This is so much so that bullet points are seemingly the only form of realistic and accurate communication.
NEVER just accept love. Rejoice in it, fight for it, give it as freely as you can.
Jesus is more than enough for you. His grace goes beyond human comprehension.
On a slightly more superficial note, I'm now of the belief that animals can communicate after an interesting episode with my dogs. I'm willing to accept that this strange notion does steer me in the direction of being in a state of questionable sanity.
"People, we desperately need a new romance. We need to take a good, long look with fresh eyes at the Lover of our souls and internalize the high price He paid for the chance to be reunited with us. I hope we have not stared at our painted images of God for so long that we are no longer impressed by what we see, for it’s not the typical picture of enchantment. Unadulterated passion and pure, ambitious love are not presented to us in flowers and sunsets, but in straw, wood, nails and blood."
I'm Lydia. This is a little project. Start from the beginning for two reasons: 1. It's the very best place to start. 2. It makes more sense of the madness that is my mental babble. Here is the Silver Lining.